I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
