how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
