I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
