I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the day after is always just damage control
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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