today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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