fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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