Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hippo gnu deer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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