The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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