Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
