I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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