Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
