i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
