They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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