The maid of honor just puked.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
