people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
