6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would fuck him just for his dog
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
