u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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