Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
