I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
