soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
