we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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