i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
