i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize