i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
