His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
