so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
