if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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