dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
