Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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