God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my poor anus
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
