Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
