they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
