There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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