now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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