community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
