Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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