hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize