last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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