Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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