we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
