I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
