Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
