Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize