Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
