I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I got chris browned last night
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
