Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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