Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize