Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
