Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
