Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
