your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You were trust falling into bushes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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