so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
