Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
