sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
