you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize