Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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