There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize