Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
