I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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