New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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