if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
