You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
