wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm like, not good at living.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
